Last night was a rough night for little Elliot. He had been fussing for almost an hour, and while his mother was doing what she could, no one was getting any sleep. So I grabbed the little dude so affectionately, but now ironically-nicknamed “the quiet one”, and headed out of the bedroom so that the rest of the family good grab some sleep. For the next little bit we just walked around staring at each other. He was wide awake and I was very tired. Our Christmas lights are still hanging in the sunroom and we were aglow in reds and greens and blues. We just paced and stared. He wasn’t fusing anymore…just studying my face, and I, his. We’re like twins.
If I had been sleeping my dreams would have been undoubtedly filled with vibrant non sequiturs, confusion and flying and delicious food and PHiSH tours culminating with me meeting the band and other non-related nonsense, but here I was…awake, but in one of those dreams where everything makes perfect sense, where everything is right where it should be, where this perfect organization simply thrills you and you can’t help but smile and be SO VERY glad that you’re not asleep but there wide-eyed and able to fully grasp, contain, and file this moment for future reference as to how good life really can be if you just stop and look at it once in a while.
It’s those sparse silent moments that really throw the reflections into your eyes. It’s when you can hear your own breathing, your whistling nose and your cat’s endless sniffling. The whole apartment shifts with it’s random creaks and hvac wall rattling; it’s the crescendo that peaks when you finally notice the brilliantly beautiful moment staring directly at you, into you….screaming with it’s beautiful silence.
Last night was a rough night for little Elliot. He’s had trouble sleeping lately as his little system is still adjusting to everything. It’s rough nights filled with little whimpers and crying and casual strolls throughout the apartment in those dark hours that serve to really connect a father to his son. It’s these little moments spent alone but together where a relationship is truly cemented and what blooms is as beautiful as anything I will ever see.