Usually, my anxiety and panic seem to grow from nothing. Any random and seemingly meaningless thing might trigger an explosion in my mind. Now, however, there’s no questioning the source. This is the biggest loss I’ve ever experienced and as I explore my current state, a familiar metallic taste creeps into my mouth and fight or flight drains the blood from my limbs while my brain prepares to do….something.
But there’s nothing I can do. I must ride it out.
You know who’d be damn good at getting us all through this? Jeremay. You know who I’d love to call up right now and who’d come running to my side no matter what to help me better understand and cope with all of this in any way he could? Jeremay.
We lost so much when he left us, more than we’ll ever really know. All the shenanigans we would have had, all of that future laughter and joy…gone. We even lost one of the greatest resources any of us has ever for simply dealing with life. How do we recover from that? I simply don’t know.
Us dudes always see a problem and want to fix it. Whatever it is, we find the tool and we make our repair; we step forward and into the light knowing that what was wrong is now right and that we did what we could to make that difference.
Jeremay made that difference every single day. It’s obvious from what I’ve been reading and hearing these last couple days that he touched each of us in some way and tried as hard as he could to fix what was broken within each of us. Maybe we can each take a small piece of what he gave to us, shared with us, and taught us…and maybe we pass that onto the world around us? Maybe we spread his soul upon this earth though everything we say and do; every laugh and cry.
Even if it’s just a tiny little bit at a time, I think that’d make a difference. Don’t you? I mean, we’re all here together and we’re all in this together; I feel it’s safe to assume that Jeremay Buol wouldn’t have it any other way.